Knowing Rose Tyler
by Built on the Horizon
Summary: Sequal to Watching Rose Tyler Impossible takes its toll on the mind. Two men, one body, one love. Which of them really loves Rose Tyler, and, more importantly, which does she truly love in return?
1. Division

Knowing Rose Tyler, sequel to Watching Rose Tyler.

**Summary: **_Impossible takes its toll on the mind. Two men, one body, one love. Which of them really loves Rose Tyler, and, more importantly, which does she truly love in return?_

**Characters/Pairings: **_11th Doctor, Rose Tyler, James Samuels, some old and new friends we'll meet along the way. 11Rose, JamesRose, heavily implied 9Rose and 10Rose._

**Rating: **_T. Lots of angst later on, and will get darker, but it's mainly for safety._

**Genre: **_Romance, Drama, Angst._

**Spoilers: **_This story deviates from the series at the end of the Runaway Bride, so lots of spoilers for season 1 and 2, I will reference to things we learn from season 3 though. Minor for old series. I live in Australia, so I do not get the series until halfway through the year, so dont expect season 4 spoilers for a very long time. Also, I got this idea when I heard rumors about the episodes Human Nature and Family of Blood, before I watched them, so I'm sorry if its sickeningly close, and I may borrow a line or two from it, but trust me, the story will get very original soon._

**Disclaimer: **_I do not own Doctor who, the BBC does, I am making no profit from this story, other than some reviews that make my day!_

* * *

'Whoo hoooo!' 

The TARDIS was rocking; actually, the term would probably have been quaking. In all the time Rose had travelled with the Doctor, even with, wait, make that _especially_ with the Doctor's driving skills, a trip in the TARDIS had never been this rocky.

Then again, this was no ordinary trip.

'Keep those dials below red!' The Doctor yelled over the klaxons.

Rose ran to the panel and began flicking switches hurriedly.

'Okay, now here comes the fun bit!' The Doctor abandoned the controls just gripped the consol. There was no mistaking him now, this was the Doctor, and he was almost home.

Rose's fingers began to ache from holding on so tightly, but then, with one final almighty lurch, the shaking stopped.

'Are we there yet?' Rose asked. The Doctor clambered over to the screen.

'Yep! Safe and sound, we're back in the vortex.' He exclaimed.

'We're home.' Rose said softly, standing by his shoulder and staring at the picture of the vortex on screen.

'Yes.' The Doctor smiled.

The Doctor turned to her, not realizing, much less caring about how close they were standing to each other. He brushed a hand down her neck and closed his eyes.

He leant towards her.

And he just kept leaning.

He missed her lips entirely and went over her shoulder, a dead weight in her arms, unconscious.

Rose staggered under the surprisingly heavy weight before rolling her eyes.

'Dang Doctor…' She muttered aloud. 'Cant even spend two minutes back home without some sort of trouble.'

Same old life. Taking care of the last of the Time Lords.

Someone had to do it.

* * *

Rose bumped the door open with her hip, careful not to spill the tea and toast she was carrying. Inside, the Doctor, her Doctor was asleep. 

Actually, he was unconscious. And whatever Rose did, he wouldn't wake up.

She had no idea what made him faint like that; he was fine one minute, then out cold, falling on top of her. It had taken a struggle and a half to get him into his bedroom, but she had managed.

Placing the tray on the bedside table, Rose sat on the covers and waited.

'_James definitely has a handsome face.'_ Rose thought before she could correct herself. She scolded herself quietly. It wasn't James' face, James never existed.

The Doctor stirred, shifting slightly under the covers and Rose turned her attention back to him. He furrowed his brow before opening his eyes and blinking them into focus.

'There you are.' Rose smiled. 'I gotta admit, you really scared me just then. What did you think went wrong?'

The Doctor frowned. 'Rose? What are you doing here?' He looked around at the bed he was sleeping in, 'Why were you watching me sleep?'

Rose smiled and rolled her eyes like she was telling off a small child. 'Doctor, what else did you expect me to do once you fainted like that? Read a book?'

He raised a hand to his face and rubbed the sleep from his eyes. 'Rose, I might be smart, but I never did a PhD.'

'What?' Rose asked warily.

The answer chilled Rose to the bones.

'I'm not a doctor.'

* * *

Rose followed him at a jog into the control room, on the verge of tears. 

'Where are we, Rose?' He asked suddenly, turning to face her.

Rose blinked back the tears, 'We're on the TARDIS.' She said simply.

'A Torchwood operation?' he prompted.

Rose could only shake her head. His manner suddenly changed as he realized something. He kicked into something resembling his protective mode, only, it wasn't the same.

'Are you in danger?' He asked gently.

'No!' Rose was almost sobbing now, 'I'm safe, I'm with you, we're home.'

He shook his head slightly. 'This isn't your home, Rose, and it's definitely not mine.'

Rose used her sleeve to wipe away some tears as her mind clicked into place.

'James?' She asked warily, her voice cracking slightly.

'_Please don't, please...'_ she begged silently.

The Doctor did it.

He nodded.

Like it was the most obvious think in the world.

Crying, Rose took a step towards him, searching his green eyes for that spark that could only belong to the Doctor, but there was none. His eyes were like the sea after a storm, but she needed the Storm.

Rose began shaking, trembling all over, she glanced around her, to find someone that could help, but the only person that could was standing right in front of her.

'Rose-' James started, but suddenly, he convulsed, groaning in pain. He grabbed his head frantically.

'Rose! What's going on?' He screamed, but Rose just stood there helplessly. He screamed again and fell to his knees, writing in agony. Without warning, he stopped, still holding his head and breathing heavily. Trembling, he looked up.

'Rose? What just happened?' He asked.

The storm in his eyes had returned.

'Oh, my head!' He moaned, and stood shakily. 'Rose, tell me, what just happened.'

'D- Doctor?' She asked cautiously.

He met her eye before nodding slowly.

Rose breathed a sigh of relief and brought her hand up to her face.

'Tell me!' He ordered, a little too harshly.

'You, you collapsed, just after we landed in the vortex.' She said shakily. 'I dragged you to your bed, then you woke up, but you were different, you were James.'

The Doctors eyes widened slightly, but Rose continued.

'I don't know how it's possible, but I'm sure it was like him, just like the James you were before, you didn't recognize the control room, or anything. Then you…he doubled over again and you started talking.'

The Doctor was breathing heavily, eyes darting around the room, like there was some clue that would explain it there.

Without warning, he collapsed to his knees, hands on head again.

'Argh!' He groaned then he looked at Rose, pleading, desperate. 'He's resurfacing, I haven't got long.' He began panting, fighting for consciousness. 'You've got to tell him, Rose, explain it, then maybe he will go away and I'll have time to figure out what went wrong.'

Rose just stood there, dumbly.

'Rose, tell me you will.' He stood to his full height, almost intimidating her. 'Promise me!'

'Okay!' Rose yelled distraughtly.

The Doctor smiled with relief before closing his eyes and letting go.

'Ah, what a headache!' The man who Rose assumed had to be James stood straight, running a hand through his hair. 'What just happened?' He demanded.

Rose choked back a sob.

'You-' Rose started, she swallowed hard and tried again. 'You don't exist.'

James smiled in confusion. 'Rose, what are you talking about?'

'The… The Doctor invented you so he could get into Torchwood without me noticing.' Rose blurted out.

James frowned. 'What are you saying?'

'You don't exist, James, you never existed. The Doctor-'

'Those men on your wall.' James interrupted. 'Rose, I look nothing like them!'

'That's what I thought at first…' Rose said softly. James cocked his head. Rose took a deep breath and continued. 'The Doctor is a Time Lord and he can regenerate and change his entire body. I travelled with him in the TARDIS for about two years and-'

'Rose!' James interrupted. His eyes were wide and his mouth moved silently before he could find the words. 'I'm- I'm human, I'm as human as they come.'

Rose hung her head then looked up with a sniff. 'You're human?' She asked, taking a step closer to him. He nodded. Taking another step even closer, she raised her hands to his chest, pressing her palms flat against him on either side.

'Then how come I can feel two hearts?' Rose asked simply.

James stumbled back, pressing his own hands above his hearts. He stayed there for a moment, just feeling. He raised his eyes to meet Rose's, blinking back tear-stung eyes. 'I'm…I'm James Samuels. That's all I've ever known, all I've ever been. Why can't I stay as I am?'

'I need… we need the Doctor.'

'What am I then? A cover story? Is that all I am to you?' He was breathing heavily now, panting, on the verge of tears. 'When I kissed you, was that a lie?'

Rose squeezed her eyes shut and hung her head. It wasn't fair. She was healing and he was breaking her again, both of them.

She was weeping quietly now, hard-wrenching sobs and burning tears. Beside her, a single hot tear dripped off James's face. He lifted his head and met her eyes. When he finally spoke, his voice was even and calm.

'I trust you, Rose.' He said, sincerity burning in his eyes where the Storm should have been. 'You wouldn't lie to me and I wouldn't lie to you. We wouldn't do that to one another.'

Rose felt her heart ache.

'Rose.' He said earnestly. 'No lies, no secrets, no deception, I trust you. Tell me what I have to do and I'll do it.'

Rose could feel her mouth moving but she didn't know what words were falling out, all she could see was James's green eyes and the trust in them.

'Just let go.' She blabbed. 'Try not to control everything for a minute then maybe the Doctor will come back. Don't fight him, just let him come back.'

James nodded mutely. 'Okay, Rose.' He said, completely trusting. 'We'll figure this out, alright?' then he gave a forced laugh. 'All three of us.'

He closed his eyes and breathed deeply.

Then he jerked suddenly, like he had fallen asleep standing up.

'Doctor?' Rose asked tentatively.

He swayed unsteadily before nodding. 'Yes. But I'm so tired now.' He stumbled slightly, holding onto the consol for support. 'I think we'll have to limit swaps to one a day, my body can't stand too much.' He smiled dizzily then started moving around the consol, activating controls.

'What are you doing?' Rose asked, taking a step forward.

'Landing on Earth, present time, your present, that is.' He waved a hand and continued to use the controls. 'I don't know how long this will take to sort out. But, I promise, Rose, I'll figure it out.'

They landed with a soft jolt and the Doctor began stumbling back to his room, leaning heavily on Rose. On the way there, he gave her a list of instructions, things to look out for, things to make sure James doesn't do, don't let him outside, don't let him touch the controls. It made Rose's head spin hearing the Doctor give instructions about what not to let himself do, but they weren't the same, she had to remember that.

Once the Doctor was on his bed, he murmured a thank you to Rose before drifting off almost immediately. It was only then that Rose realised just how tired she was and stumbled back into her own room, finding it exactly as she left it, unmade bed and all. She crashed into the covers and let the sleep over take her, wondering what the next day would bring.

* * *

_Ta da! First chapter up! Expect the updates to be spasmodic at best, I am in the middle of writing a story for the Young Australian Christian Writers Award, so my efforts will be focused there, but the story is in my head and it wont go away until its written!_

_Please, please, please review, I want to know if its worth continuing. What do you think? How did this happen? Whats going to happen? What's the big twist I have in store for later?_

_Also, I'd like an online BETA, if anyone wants to take the job, review and tell me! First in, best dressed!_


	2. James, meet the TARDIS

When she woke, panic sieged her, her mind was flooded with a million things that could have gone wrong while she slept, but then she felt the soothing presence of the TARDIS on her mind, assuring her it would be alright.

She got up and dressed quickly, eager to wake the Doctor and sought out this mess. But he wasn't in his room. She quickly searched through several rooms before seeing a light streaming through a slightly ajar door. She quietly pushed open the door, to the kitchen, she remembered dully.

Inside, a figure was sitting at the bench, a mug with a tea bag dangling from it in front of him. His arms were folded on the bench and his head hung over the mug, ginger hair shielding his face from view.

'James?' She asked, breaking the silence of the room.

His head jerked up in surprise and his green eyes met hers. He nodded. 'How could you tell?' He asked.

Rose smiled before preparing a cup of tea for herself. 'Two things, the Doctor never got surprised by me walking into a room. Secondly, you left your tea bag in the cup, the Doctor always takes his out.'

James smiled, then looked thoughtful. 'You know, its funny, you'd think we'd be the same person, just different history, but we are different, aren't we?'

Rose sat down across the bench from him. 'Are you alright?' she asked, concerned.

James smiled. 'I'd be lying if I said yes.' He shrugged. 'But I trust you, and I've had a lot of time to think it over.'

At Rose's confused look, he continued. 'I woke up early… I think it was early anyway, and I went for a run to relax.' He rubbed the back of his neck and smiled. 'It was really strange, its like, I wanted to wind down and I ended up in a room full of technology, I wanted a drink and I ended up here.'

Rose looked thoughtful. 'Either the TARDIS is helping you out, or you're remembering a bit of the Doctor's mind.'

James nodded, then frowned. 'Hold on, what do you mean, the TARDIS is helping me?'

Rose grinned. 'You got some catching up to do. And you're gonna love her.'

She stood up and walked out of the room, motioning for James to follow.

He sat for a moment, then frowned.

'Her?'

* * *

Rose never imagined having to explain the rough workings of the TARDIS to the Doctor himself, but the look of wonder on James's face as he listened to her made her heart swell within her.

'So, this telepathic field,' James said, recapping, 'it gets inside your brain and rewrites the information coming in, so it turns out English?'

'That's right.'

'But how can she know what it means?'

'Her knowledge is practically limitless.' Rose shrugged, remembering one impossible language.

'Then what about that language?' James nodded to the display screen which was spinning with the familiar script.

'That's the Doctor's language.' Rose smiled. 'He used to say, if it was important enough to be written in that, it was important enough not to be read.'

James looked thoughtful. Suddenly, he spoke. 'Carpe Diem.'

'What?'

'Its Latin, did you hear English?' James questioned.

'No.' Rose looked confused, then she sighed. 'Something like that happened once before. The Doctor was unconscious, just after a regeneration; the TARDIS didn't translate because he's part of the circuit.'

James wasn't an idiot. He got the message. _"You're not him. You never could be."_ He nodded solemnly and turned his attention back to the consol.

James's hands were hovering over the controls, fighting back the itch to find out how this living machine worked. But Rose had given very strict instructions of "look but don't touch".

He ducked under the consol, scrutinizing the machinery.

'It's a bit rubbish.' He said, nose wrinkled.

'Whoa, big fella, trust me, you do not want to get on this girl's bad side.' Rose held up two hands, she couldn't believe she was hearing this.

'Who? The ship or you?' James teased lightly. 'Anyway, that's not what I meant. This ship is beautiful, a work of art. She's magnificent.'

'Good boy, flattery will get you everywhere.' Rose smiled. 'Even to the toilet.'

James raised an eyebrow then shook his head. 'But, the state of these circuits, it's horrendous. The Doctor really, really needs to keep her in better shape. She deserves much more than this.' He appeared from beneath the consol, holding a rubber mallet in one hand, looking aghast. 'Please, please, please don't tell me he uses percussive maintenance on her.'

'What?'

'Does he hit her with this hammer?' He asked evenly.

'Sometimes.' Rose shrugged.

'Oh, I don't believe it!' He said incredulously. Rose just laughed.

'What?' He asked, after her attack of the giggles wore off.

'Usually it was the Doctor telling off someone for dissing the TARDIS.' She shook her head with a smile. 'Never thought it'd be the other way around.'

James closed his eyes and composed himself. What was she telling him? Was she trying to tell him anything?

He ran a hand around the rim of the consol, careful not to touch any controls. 'She just needs someone… delicate.'

'Ah, now, that the Doctor did do.' Rose smiled. 'TARDIS stroking.'

The machine hummed appreciatively under his fingers. Rose smiled.

'Actually, I was wondering if you could explain something for me.' He said, breaking the silence. 'A room I found on my jog.'

'Sure.' Rose shrugged. 'Lead the way.'

* * *

The room was a wreckage. Shattered equipment was strewn on the floor, tables' overturned, broken glass and scrap metal covered the floor. Overstepping half a broken glass globe, Rose caught sight of a thin orange trail of drips towards the wall where a small puddle of dried fluid had formed.

'Oh, no.' Rose squeezed her eyes shut and shook her head. 'Doctor…' She bent low and touched the blood. James looked on.

'What is that?' He asked.

'Blood.' Her voice sounded hollow and empty.

A dream flashed back to her. A hand reaching out.

'James, give me your hand.' She said suddenly.

He looked confused, but held it out to her. She took his larger palm between hers, turning it over in her hand. She brushed her fingers along the back of his hand, over healing scratch marks that he didn't even know where there. Her fingers drifted over the fine white lines, delicately.

James snatched the hand back suddenly.

'Sorry.' Rose said automatically.

'No, it's not that, it's just…' James inspected the lines for himself. 'They weren't there last I remember… It's strange.'

Rose smiled strangely, her eyes studying the ground. She caught a glimpse of something she thought she'd never see. A thing silver tube sticking out from under an upturned table. She bent and picked it up, holding it carefully in her hand.

'What is that?' James asked, eyes widening.

'Do you recognize it?' Rose couldn't help but let some hope creep into her voice.

'I don't know.' James said, unsure. Slowly, he reached out and pulled the tube from her hand. Automatically, he moved his fingers, held down a button and the tip lit up, a glorious blue glow.

He jerks suddenly, almost dropping this object that held so much meaning, but he could not place how. 'I don't know how I knew that.' He admitted.

'Try to remember, James.' Rose begged quietly.

It was nagging at the corner of his mind, like a dream or a song he had forgotten the words to. His fist tightened on the object and he concentrated hard. His eyes jerked open. 'Sonic.' He said, and then uncertainty crept into his voice. 'Screwdriver…'

'Yes…' Rose urged.

An intense look filled his eyes, but then he laughed. _Laughed._ 'It was there the day I met you. Or something like it anyway. It created the signal that shut down the blob in Torchwood storage. That feels like years ago.'

Rose hung her head, eyes stinging and hope shattered. 'Right.' She forced a smile then spoke quietly to herself. 'What was I thinking?'

James cleared his throat. 'Anyway, I wanted to know about this.' He led her away to the single table that was left undisturbed. A single white sheet covered a bulky object underneath. He gripped the sheet and with a flourish, pulled it away, revealing what was beneath.

Rose smiled. 'My, Doctor, you have been busy.'

Sitting on the table was a half constructed K-9.

* * *

_Sorry, I couldnt help it, K-9 is so cute! I thought, James is good with machinery...why not? So, what'd you think? I know, its a bit late, but thats how they're going to come now, so just bear with me. Many thanks to everyone who reviewed last chapter, I love getting feedback, on that note, please review! Also thanks to my Maths teacher for giving out homework (never thought I'd say that!) which made me procrastinate by finishing this chapter._


	3. A Leather Jacket and a Tin Dog

It was the smell that got her first. An old smell, like a wood fire oven. A smell that made her jerk to a halt. Her eyes fluttered closed and she breathed deeply, awash of memories accompanying the smell.

_Strong arms encircling her for a hug. Curled up into him, staining that jacket with tears. Laughing with him. Smiling, manic grins. Cold eyes and grim face._

Face blank, eyes glassy, she pushed the door open. A man was facing away from her, clad in the battered leather she had smelt. But it was wrong, the shoulders were too broad and the hair too long and the ears too small. But it didn't matter. She just needed to feel the worn leather under her fingers.

She stepped silently into the room. As she neared the jacket clad figure, her eyes fluttered closed. She reached out a hand and placed it on the man's back. The muscles under her hand bunched as he stiffened and a sharp intake of air came from slightly above her, but all she was focusing on was the feel.

She ran her hand up his back, memorizing the texture. But it was wrong; the back under the jacket was too well filled out. Her hand rested on the battered leather shoulder. But it was wrong; the muscles under her fingers were too well toned. She ran a hand over his shoulder and down his arm, but his biceps were too large. Her hand went down to his wrist, and his hand. The palm wasn't calloused, but the fingers were tough, it wasn't bony, but it was strong.

She linked hands with him.

And jerked out of her trance.

James was staring at her, an intense look in his eyes. Rose tried to talk but her voice was lost.

She turned and stood in front of him and straightened out the jacket. 'That's a nice jacket, where'd you get it?' She asked, just a little too hurriedly.

'The wardrobe passed the bins.' He gestured vaguely with a hand. 'I thought I should find some more clothes.'

Rose refused, point Blanc. 'No, not that jacket, James, please.'

'Okay.' He nodded, understanding. He shrugged the jacket off and slung it over a chair, leaving only the loose, long sleeved shirt that he was wearing underneath.

Rose smiled painfully, tear stung eyes swimming. She took a step towards him and wrapped her arms around his middle. James stiffened, but slowly raised his hands to her back, rubbing it soothingly.

Rose closed her eyes, and for a moment, she could have sworn she only heard one heart beating.

* * *

James pulled the side panel off the K-9 carefully and set it aside. After much debating with Rose, he had convinced her that it should be fine if he was allowed to fiddle with the technology inside the room. As far as he could tell, it was completely independent, just a room full of odds and ends. Broken odds and ends at that. Sighing, Rose had agreed. 

It helped clear his mind too; life always seemed so much simpler when he was fixing things. Then, it was either broken or it worked and there was always a way to make it work. Not so with life. There were so many grey areas.

Quietly, Rose walked up beside him, holding up the sonic screwdriver. 'Want this?' She asked, lying on the table.

James stared at it for a moment before shaking his head. 'Nah, I don't know enough about it. Anyway, it'll take all the fun out of it.'

Rose smiled. 'The Doctor never went anywhere without his sonic screwdriver. It's gotten us out of more than a few scrapes. Guess that's just another difference.'

James purposefully failed to mention that the connections inside the K-9 were all hand done.

'Do you mind if I…' Rose trailed off, waving a hand at the other chair in the room.

'Go ahead.' James shrugged.

Rose pulled up the chair to the head of the table where he was working. She put her feet up on the table and leant a large book against her knees.

'What's that?' James enquired.

'Nothing.' Rose answered simply. James raised an eyebrow but continued on his work. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw her lift a pencil to the page and began to sketch.

'I used to do this all the time.' Rose said distractedly. 'Watch the Doctor while he worked.'

'He used to fix things too?' James asked nonchalantly, trying to ease a wire out of its connection.

'Yeah, but he always used to use the sonic screwdriver, and a whole heap of swearing the TARDIS wasn't game to translate.' Rose smiled.

James blinked, then quietly reached over and pushed a button on the sonic screwdriver, letting it glow and buzz quietly on the table.

Rose's eyes lifted to his and he hastily returned to the inside of the K-9. He was only working for a few moments before Rose reached over and pushed the button again, turning it off. James smiled weakly and turned his attention back to the work at hand.

After a while, James got up and walked through the wreckage of the room, searching for some missing piece of the puzzle. He knew it when he saw it, but he didn't know how, a silver tube the size of his finger. He picked it up and walked back over to the table.

'So, if this is a Time machine, where have we landed?' James asked, settling himself back into his chair.

'Time/Space ship.' Rose corrected. 'The Doctor hated Time machine, made it sound like something of an old T.V. show. And we've landed on Earth, present time, relatively speaking.'

'Oh, well that's, good, I need some more parts and Torchwood-'

'No, James,' Rose interrupted, 'you can't go out there.'

'Why?' He asked. 'You think I can't be trusted?'

He hadn't meant to be so rude, but the situation was getting to him.

Rose visibly winced. 'James, the Doctor told me not to let you leave. This isn't the world you thought you knew.'

'I get it. I'm an alien.' James was getting close to yelling now. 'But I'm a big boy; I can take care of myself.'

Rose closed her eyes and took a few deep breaths, composing herself. 'Have you every heard of parallel worlds?'

'Yeah, the multiverse theory.' James frowned. 'The universe is split into an infinite number of possible universes where every decision we make plays out, if not in our universe, in another one.'

'It's not a theory. Three years ago, I was travelling with the Doctor and Mickey.' Rose began.

And she explained. Everything. After she finished with that story, she began from the beginning, recounting everything to him as he worked. Starting with the Nestene Consciousness, right through to regeneration, and then, finally and painfully, the Battle of Canary Warf.

James was mostly silent through the whole thing, with the occasional exception of a question or excusing himself to find some more equipment.

He couldn't help but think that the story being told to him was of another man, a fantastic alien travelling throughout the universe, and, at times, he thought that maybe Rose was thinking the same thing.

It was the parallel worlds that got him; surely such a thing was impossible. However, he did just start believing in Time Travel, so he guessed he was allowed some slack. Perhaps Rose was telling him that so he wouldn't leave the ship. This ship was like to be his prison.

'_Get a grip, James.'_ He berated himself. _'You trust Rose, don't you?'_

No he couldn't shake the feeling that such travel between universes was possible, it felt wrong, popping back and forth like that, and he didn't even know why.

After the retelling of the Battle of Canary Warf, Rose began tearing up and excused herself to make a tea, blaming her sore throat.

After she left, James reached over and pulled the large black book over towards himself. He flicked it open to the next page and saw the starting's of a sketch there, himself, holding two wires from the inside of the K-9, turning towards the viewer, a smile just starting to form on his lips. Though the sketch was not nearly finished, it was already labelled.

_James._

He quietly closed the book and slid it to where he found it. Silently, he slipped out of the door and past the kitchen where Rose was busy making tea.

Stirred onwards without knowing the true reason, James found himself in the control room, standing in front of the doors he was not allowed through. Perhaps it was child-like curiosity, perhaps his alien spider-sense was tingling, but he knew that to go outside was wrong, and that was why he had to do it anyway.

He slipped outside the door.

Concrete, roads, cars, everything was as it should be in London. James took a deep breath. Pollution, musky, fresh, so different to the clean recycled air of the TARDIS.

James shrugged on a brown jacket.

And he started to run.

* * *

Next chapter: Canary Warf 

_Well, this chapter was only written because my yearly exams are on soon, so, hours locked away in my room, bored, with a computer, what better way to procrastinate? What do you think? I'm a little hesitant at posting this chapter... Thanks so very much to everyone who reviewed last chapter, I almost gave up on posting for a while until after exams when another little late review popped into my inbox, so thankyou whoever that was._

_My BETA seems to have fallen off the radar, anyone else want a crack at it?_

_Please please review, tell me what you thought. What do you thinks going to happen next chapter? Next update probably wont be for a while, just bear with me here._


	4. Canary Wharf

He ran through the bustling streets of London, ignored by everyone around him, he kept running, all through the city, past buses and shops and crowds. He kept running, running and running, until he found himself at a skyscraper.

A very familiar skyscraper. His work. Torchwood One, also called Canary Wharf.

If Rose was right, it should be abandoned.

He neared the building and slowed down to a jog. Everything looked the same, but when he got closer, he saw it had been encircled by a small fence, on the other side were flowers, hundreds of lavender flowers, lying on the ground and pinned to the wall. No, not the wall, the bottom of the building had a large plaque on the wall, hundreds of names inscribed in gold.

He ran to the fence and gripped the railing. This couldn't be happening.

Almost every name had a small lavender flower attached beside it.

It was a memorial.

The words running along the top read: _8__th__ of July, 2006. Lest we forget._

He quickly scanned the list and a name jumped out at him, _Jenkins, Robert._

Robert? Dead? The man he had worked for?

He walked along the fence, scanning the list.

_Lambert, Scott_

_Dr Pines, Rachelle._

_Richardson, Peter._

Names of people he had worked with, people he had known, dead for three years.

When he reached S, he saw another name.

_Samuels, Mickey._

What did that mean? Mickey, that name seemed familiar, like a half forgotten dream.

He reached the end of the T's. A figure obscured the section of the list he wanted, _needed_, to see. The man stepped back from the plaque, and James found the name.

_Tyler, Jackie._

_Tyler, Rose._

James' heart stopped. The logical part of his mind fled, all he could think about was that Rose was dead, all he could see was Rose's name on a memorial plaque, her name with a small rose bud beside it.

The only name on the list with a rose next to it.

He stared at that small little flower, unable to think, unable to move.

'You're late.' The man beside him muttered, as much to himself than to James. 'Me as well, the memorial service was yesterday. Three years and one day. Always too late.'

James turned his head slightly. The man was clutching a rose stem tightly, tight enough to draw blood on the thorns. The stem had no flower.

'You knew Rose?' James asked suddenly, only just managing to change his tense.

The man nodded gravely. 'She and I were… very close. Best friends.'

The two men stood there solemnly, unmoving, staring at the single name etched into the stone. James was stunned. He couldn't think.

'Did you know her?' the man asked.

James frowned. 'I thought I did.' He admitted. If she had kept this amazing secret from him, the story of her life, for two months, what else could she be keeping?

James couldn't stand it anymore; he dropped his head to his chest, staring blankly at the ground. The man's leg beside him was in his frame of vision, a white converse peaking out from a blue pant leg.

James frowned inwardly. But he never got to finish the thought as at that moment, his pocket started to buzz.

James straightened and fished out a small black phone from his jacket, the screen was blinking: _TARDIS calling._

Curious, he hit the answer button and held it to his ear.

'Hello?' He asked.

'_James? Thank goodness!'_ Rose's relieved voice crackled over the line. _'Where are you?'_

'Canary Wharf.' He answered quietly.

The voice at the other end went silent for a moment. _'Oh, James…'_

'I'm sorry, I just had to get out, had to get away.' James stuttered, words flowing with no control of them. 'It's a memorial now, did you know? There are so many names here.'

'_You can't say my name, James.__ They think I'm dead.'_ James didn't understand, but Rose was thinking clearly, he wasn't, so he muttered an affirmative.

'_You need to come back to the TARDIS, James, quickly.'_

'Why?' He asked into the speaker.

'_This isn't the world you knew.' _Rose's voice was patient and calm. _'Things are different here.'_

'It doesn't seem too different.' James stated, his rational mind slowly coming back to him.

'_James. Please.'_ Rose begged him.

'Okay.' He said in defeat. 'I'm coming back.'

He ended the call then slid the phone back into his pocket, only now puzzling about how it got there in the first place. He turned to the man beside him, a strange feeling now emanating from him, like something in James's gut was writhing. But when he looked again, all he could see was a broken man in a blue suit with hollow eyes.

Something tweaked at the back of his mind, but he ignored it. Without another word, he turned and walked away, stealing only a small look at the back of the other man.

'_Goodness, did my hair always look like that?'_ The thought came unbidden into his mind. Why was he fascinated with the back of that man's head?

He shook away the thought, and began to walk all the way back.

* * *

A figure ducked behind into shadows to watch the ginger haired man walk by. They turned back to look at the other, blue-suited man. Their jaw clenched tight.

They turned and walked away from the memorial, away from the men. Perhaps they could extend their stay, just a little longer.

* * *

_I know, I know, its short, but I just finished yearly exams. I'm hoping to put another mini chapter up in the next couple of days, so keep a watch out for that. Thanks to **forestwife** for BETAing. By the way, all those people who said they'd like to BETA a couple of chapters back, I'll send it off to everyone and upload it after whoever gets it first sends it back. That made no sense. Dont mind me._

_Thank you so much for reviewing last chapter to those who did. Please review on this one, I'm desperate to know what you think. Who is the figure???_


	5. Comfort

Rose practically fell over herself to get to the phone, and reached it before the third ring. She held it to her ear.

'James?' She asked worriedly.

'Rose, I've ah… run into a little problem.' James didn't seem distressed, more like he was… embarrassed.

'What is it?' Rose asked, springing into action.

'The TARDIS has disappeared.' James told her.

'What?'

'I swear, this is the same alley it was in, and now it's gone.'

Rose moved around the consol, lifting up the impossibly long phone cord around her head. 'Maybe the cloak is activated…' She muttered to herself. She flicked a switch. 'Is it there now?'

'No, I can't see a Time/Space ship anywhere!' He exclaimed. Rose froze for a moment, grinning madly.

'Time/Space ship?' Rose asked, trying and failing to keep the laugh out of her voice.

'Yeah! There's no ship around here.' James said, oblivious.

Rose shook her head, still grinning like a maniac. 'What about blue boxes?'

There was a moment of stunned silence on the other end of the line. 'Ah, yeah, there's a police box in the corner.'

'Try that one.' Rose laughed.

'What's so funny?'

'You'll see.' She answered cryptically as she faced the TARDIS doors, just waiting.

The doors swung open to reveal James with his mouth hanging wide open, phone still at his ear.

'There's the look.' Rose muttered to herself. 'Now… 3…2… and 1.'

'But that's impossible!' James said, right on cue.

'There it is.' She muttered. 'And here it comes…'

'It's smaller on the outside than the inside!' He exclaimed.

'Well, most people go for the other way around, but, I have to say, nice for a bit of variety!' Rose smiled at him.

'It must be some sort of matter compression!' James jogged around the consol, looking very much like a kid in a candy store. He ran back to the door for good measure. 'Or maybe this is a portal, or, or a link to another dimension!'

Rose openly laughed, loving his child-like curiosity.

He turned around, oblivious. 'What?'

'Nothing.' She said dismissively.

'What?' He insisted.

Rose grinned. 'You're so cute.' She laughed without thinking. She didn't miss the flush that crept into his cheeks. It just made her laugh even more.

* * *

'I'm sorry.' 

The words were broken and hollow. Rose jerked her head upwards to see James staring blankly into the insides of K-9. Only now did she recognize the silence of him ceasing to work that had been going on for many minutes. She frowned at him, studying his profile, trying to understand.

'I'm sorry, Rose.' He said again.

Rose laid her book on the table and walked over to him, rubbing his shoulder comfortingly. James tensed under her hand and shrugged it off.

'What for, James?' She asked, slightly hurt.

'I, I thought…' He shook his head. 'It doesn't matter.'

'Tell me.' She demanded softly.

'I thought we could have had something together, Rose.' He admitted quietly. 'Before all this happened, I thought that maybe, maybe you cared for me.'

'I do care for you James.' Rose answered, confused. 'And the Doct-'

'But it's not the same!' He said; standing and walking away slightly. He faced the wall and ran a hand through his hair. 'I met someone at Canary Wharf today.'

'What?' Rose took a tentative step forward.

'It wasn't until I came back that I realised.' He continued.

'Realised what?'

'It was him.' James turned to face her. 'It was the Doctor, the man you had in your drawings. He was there, at your memorial.'

Rose hung her head. She didn't want to hear this. She couldn't…

'I think it was three years for him since he lost you. He was so, sad, broken, empty.' He finally raised his gaze to hers. 'He looked so lost without you. I'm sorry, I thought we could have had something, but then I saw what he was without you, how broken he was. It would take a better man then me to come between the two of you.'

Rose stepped towards him and took his hand between hers, ignoring that he flinched at her touch. 'There isn't a better man than you.'

'Don't.' He looked at her warningly.

'Why?' She countered.

'Don't get close to me, Rose. We both know what will happen when the Doctor finds out a way to return things to normal.' James almost spat the Doctor's name.

Rose blinked suddenly at the tears that jumped into her eyes. She never thought… she never considered…

'There'll be no happy ending, Rose. Not for us.'

Rose caught her breath. Did the Doctor truly intend to wipe James from his mind, given the chance? Could she live with the thought that the man she had loved for years had destroyed the one that had swept her off her feet these past months?

She stepped closer to his tall frame, resting her head against his chest, reassuring herself that he was there; he was with her, that she wasn't alone. James hesitantly raised his hand and rubbed it along her back.

Rose looked up at him, tears brimming in her eyes. 'I don't want to loose you, James.'

James gently tucked a lock of hair behind her ear. 'I'm still here. I'm not gone yet.'

She smiled weakly and graciously. Slowly, she stretched up towards him, encouraging. Responding, he bent his head down, pressing his lips to hers. It was a small kiss, comforting, loving.

It was all Rose needed.

* * *

_Hey everyone! I am so sorry this took so long! Robin Hood stole my muse! No, seriously, he's holding it a arrow point. I'm writing a Robin Hood fanfiction if anyone cares to look it up. Sorry its so short, I hope the next one is longer, but I cant make any promises. Dont expect another update for a while, I'm going away with the family for Christmas. Thanks to everyone who reviewed. Please review again/for the first time, I really need some encouragement on this story to pull me off my Robin Hood one! What do you think about this chapter? Please review!_


	6. Stars

Rose awoke slowly, comfortable wrapped in warmth. She raised her head slowly, rubbing sleep from her eyes. She was curled up on the lounge that had been moved into James' working room. She must have fallen asleep watching him.

She took in her surroundings. The room was empty, but still as messy as ever, K-9 Mark V was once again covered in the white cloth. She had a soft blanket wrapped around her, tucked in by James some time after she fell asleep. James was no where to be found.

She rose slowly. One half of her too comfortable to move while the other half was shouting danger at her.

'James?' She said, her voice cracking from not being used. 'James!' She called again, louder.

No answer.

Panic gripped her. She ran through the TARDIS halls calling for him. He wasn't there.

She ended her search in the control room where she did a quick scan. No Time Lord life forms were present inside. She did a human scan as well, just to be sure. Only her in the control room.

Rose gazed at the blue-painted doors. He couldn't have run, could he? Rose checked her watch. 12:40 in the morning. She had been asleep for hours. He could be anywhere by now.

Rose put a hand to her chest as she headed for the door, just to make sure her key was still there.

'_Strange.'_ She thought distractedly. _'I've never had to check before.'_

She slipped outside, closing the door behind her. Darkness consumed her.

'James?' She called into the night as her eyes began to adjust.

'Up here!' came the reply.

Flooded with relief, Rose scanned for him. A figure waving caught her attention. She was on the roof of one of the apartment blocks.

'James!' She called. 'How'd you get up there?'

'There's a fire escape on the side.' He answered before disappearing again.

Rose ascended the metal stairs, gritting her teeth at the cold wind that bit at her bare arms. She regretted not bringing a jacket.

'Over here.' He waved her over. He was lying down on a spread out coat.

Rose stepped over and lay down next to him. Had she paid any attention to the coat, she would have realised it was a long, brown overcoat with large buttons and deep pockets. They formed a V on the coat, their heads almost touching.

'What are you doing up here?' She asked, lowering herself onto the coat.

'Stargazing.' He answered, his gaze fixed above.

Rose looked up to see a rather plain, unspectacular night sky. Light pollution had drowned out most of the stars, and a thin cloud cover obscured the rest. Rose turned back to James. He was staring at the sky with wonder sparkling in his emerald green eyes. His face was illuminated by the half moon, casting mysterious shadows on his face.

'What about it?' She asked.

'Spinning at sixteen miles an hour, a planet is orbiting that star.' James answered, pointing. 'It has a young civilization, only two thousand years old. In 800 years, humans are going to visit there and disturb their fragile balance. Three years after that, they will all die out and humans will use their planet to mine for rare ores. It's amazing. They will come and go in the blink of an eye and I can see it all happening. And don't ask how, either, because I don't know.'

Rose once again looked heaven ward, and this time, she realised the sheer magnitude of what she could see all at once. Entire systems of planets with their own life in one glance. She pulled her eyes away from the sky and looked at James, studying his profile.

'You almost gave me a heart attack before.' She said.

James frowned, confused, then he realised. 'I'm sorry. I should have told you, but you were asleep. I took the phone, just in case.'

'You could have left a note.' Rose pointed out. James started, as if the thought didn't even occur to him. 'And anyway, you're still not allowed outside the TARDIS. And we need to do what the Doctor says.'

'Why?'

'What?'

James did a double take, rethinking. 'Why did the Doctor insist I'm not allowed out doors? He's treating me like a child, not the persona he chose to become.'

Rose didn't have an answer. In all fairness, she couldn't see a reason not to let James outside. In fact, it could be fun. The Doctor was being irrational. She looked back to see James studying her intently.

'What?' She asked.

He gave a sort of half smile. , the one she had grown to love. 'Nothing.' He shrugged.

'You were looking at me.' She said.

'It's just the way my eyes were pointing.' He said defensively.

Rose laughed softly and looked back at the stars. Her mind drifted back, to a different world and a similar night sky and the same man. Sort of. A first kiss, one could say. She shivered at the memory of his lips against hers.

'Are you cold?' James asked, concerned.

Rose nodded, only half lying.

'Here.' James said, reaching around her shoulders and lifting the edge of the coat, just almost cradling her shoulders. Unwillingly, Rose's eyes fluttered closed as he stretched behind her, leaning into his arm.

'Rose.' James said, a laugh in his voice. Her eyes snapped open to see his face close to his, humour shining in his green eyes. 'Put your arm in the sleeve.'

Rose complied. The coat was far too big for her, her fingers only just reaching the end. She shrugged the lapel over her shoulder and caught a whiff of scent.

Her head did a double take. She knew that smell anywhere. It was the smell of the Doctor, the one she fell in love with.

Desperate to run away from the smell, away from any memories that stung, she clung to James' chest, burying her head in his shoulder.

A new scent filled her, familiar, comforting, metal mixed with something warm that spread through her. She was safe, as long as she stayed there, with him

'Hey.' James said, surprised at her reaction to putting on half the coat.

Rose just curled further into his chest. James responded by wrapping his arms around her. Some things didn't need explanations, James just accepted them.

James rested his chin on Rose's head and continued to stare at the stars. In his head, he replayed moments from the past… had it only been a day? A single day ago, he had been afraid, but still craving, to hold her hand, to kiss her again, and here he was, lying on an apartment roof with her curled into his shoulder.

He studied the starts again, hoping for more information on one of the planets. It unnerved him, to look at that star and just know about it.

Suddenly, he ducked gave a yell and ducked his head next to Rose's, lifting his arm up as if to protect her from something.

'What is it?' Rose asked, concerned.

James lifted his head slowly. 'I thought I saw…'

Then he yelled and did it again.

'James! What's going on?' Rose ordered, looking around, expecting there to be trouble.

James just lifted his head and stared at the sky. 'Up there, can you see it?'

Rose looked up. She could see nothing different from the plain night sky. 'No.'

But to James, it looked something else entirely. Light rained down from the heavens, striking the atmosphere and darting away, becoming its own aurora borealis, colours he had never before seen danced in patterns, weaving in and out of each other. The stars appeared brighter, glowing ferociously. Pulses were sent out from each of them, stretching and thinning until they disappeared into space. The moon sparkled with new brilliance, and he knew he was seeing light from the sun that the human eye was never built to see.

The _human_ eye.

He nearly wept.

'James?' Rose asked again, watching him captivated with the night sky.

'Its so beautiful, Rose, can you see it?' The words flowed from his mouth. He never took his eyes off the sky.

'There's nothing there, James.' Rose said, controlled, attempting to reason.

'Oh, the light, if only you could see it.' He gasped as a space rock hit the atmosphere, shattering and drifting down.

Rose didn't answer. There was nothing to be said.

Sharply, James' gaze snapped down from the sky and stared into blankness.

'I can hear him.' He said, wonder in his voice. 'He's calling out to me.'

'Who?'

'The Doctor.' He breathed. 'He's there, in my mind. Voices, whispering, so many voices, they're all him, but all different.'

Rose didn't know what to say. Her throat was constricted and she couldn't breathe.

'Its an incredible sensation.' He closed his eyes briefly, before groaning in agony.

He gripped his head; eyes squeezed shut against the pain. Rose felt the tug on her heart at seeing him in pain and not being able to do anything about it.

The screaming quietened. The man beside her was panting heavily. Rose refused to put a name on him until she was sure. His breathing slowed as he became aware of his surroundings.

With an amazing speed, he sat up, denying Rose of his warm, chest and scent. At that moment, Rose knew exactly who he was.

'Doctor?' She asked.

'Sorry, I was just, very awake for a moment then.' He muttered, standing up quickly and pulling Rose to her feet. 'What are you doing out here, its freezing!'

'James wanted to see the stars, that's all.' Rose answered, missing him already.

The Doctor rounded on her. 'You let him out? Damn it, Rose, weren't you listening to anything I said?'

'Yes!' Rose shouted at him. 'He was going mad in there! You hate to be tied down for too long, James is the same!'

The Doctor stopped. 'He's not me, Rose, do you understand that?'

'Yes.' She replied, a hint of irony to her voice. Oh, she understood perfectly.

The Doctor's eyes flickered closed and he swayed on his feet. 'Oh, dizzy spell.' He said, leaning on Rose for support. 'I was afraid of this.'

'What?'

'Basically, James has convinced my body that it's human, and its demanding sleep.' The Doctor shook his head. 'And I was hoping to get in an all nighter.'

'Well tough, mister.' Rose scowled. 'You can barely stand; you're going back to the TARDIS for some sleep.'

Rose half dragged, half carried the Doctor back to the TARDIS and pushed him into his bedroom.

'Are you alright?' She asked as he crawled under the covers. She'd never seen him this desperate for sleep before.

The Doctor answered, eyelids heavy. 'Do you always feel like this? I feel like lead.'

'Get used to it, Doctor. He's going to be there for a while.' She said, leaving the room and closing the door behind her.

Staring at the closed door in the darkness, the Doctor wondered aloud.

'Who said James will be here for a while?'

* * *

_I'm so sorry this has taken so long! I promised myself that I wouldnt write a word of fanfic before I wrote at least two pages a week on my story for the Young Christian Writers Award. Not to mention that Robin Hood stole my muse... anyways, I hope you like it! Please review!_


	7. Doorways

The Doctor was boring, Rose decided. The instant he woke up, he locked himself inside the infirmary, running tests. Okay, so "locked" was taking it a bit too far, but Rose found it deathly boring. At least James would work on K-9, laugh and talk.

It was ironic, all these years she had yearned for the Doctor, now she had James, she wasn't sure.

She took James out for a walk around London, pointing out differences she had noticed between universes. James thoroughly enjoyed it.

They had chips. Rose wished it would last forever, but the next day, it was the Doctor who woke up.

As for James, he couldn't understand what was happening to him, thoughts were slipping unbidden into his mind. Memories, foreign concepts, things that did not belong to him.

It was even stranger when senses came to him, like the night on the roof, when they were walking around London, the smells were overpowering, the tastes of the chips. It was almost too much for him to handle and he nearly passed out. But it was delightful, the experiences, the sensations. He yearned for more.

The notes were haunting, and oddly familiar. Rose wandered through the hallways, entranced. She recognized the instrument, a piano forte, but the song was slow, despairing and mysterious.

She pushed open a door to find an amazing ballroom, old fashioned, and decorated with paintings. James sat at a grand piano, pouring his heart out into the music.

'That's beautiful.' She said when the song ended. James jumped at her presence, he didn't hear her enter.

'Who taught you to play?' She asked.

'My sister.' James replied. 'She had lessons and taught me every Tuesday…' He trailed off and looked at the keyboard in disgust. 'I guess that's a lie too.'

Rose's heart constricted. She moved around the piano and touched his face, drawing his eyes up to hers.

'If the memories seem real to you, then who am I to second guess them?' She asked.

'Memories.' James scoffed. 'I get bits of his, you know. Just little bits. I see your face a lot.' he reached up and touched her hair. 'Your hair was shorter then.' the hand dropped. 'But they don't make any sense.'

Rose considered this for a moment. 'Do you want to see?'

James looked at her in confusion, Rose hurried on.

'The Doctor is telepathic, right? He could read people's minds if he wanted to.'

'I can't read minds.' James shook his head.

'The way I see it, you think everything about you is human unless it's pointed out to you or you figure it out.' Rose explained. 'If you give it a shot, it might work.'

'Isn't that, um, an invasion of privacy?' James asked.

Rose smiled. 'If it's you, I don't mind.'

Rose grabbed his hand and led him to the middle of the ballroom.

'Are we going to dance, Rose Tyler?' James smirked. Rose swatted his arm.

'Okay.' she said, turning to face him. 'Um, put your fingers on my temples.'

Hesitantly, James complied, feeling more uncomfortable by the moment. Like a knee-jerk reaction, he closed his eyes and pushed against her with his mind.

He felt resistance, she was scared.

'Open your mind, there that's it.' he said as the guards were let down. 'Keep going.'

And then he fell into her world.

* * *

White, that was what he noticed first. He looked around, nothing but white, endless white.

'Rose?' he called.

'_I'm here'_

The voice came from above, below, around him, inside him, in his ears and in his mind.

He around and willed for the next step to appear. He noticed doors around him, almost like they had been there all along, but he only now saw them. Hundreds of them, thousands. Different shapes, sizes, styles, a door for every memory Rose had ever had.

They crowded around him, suffocating him, pressing.

'Go away.' James mumbled. The doors kept on moving closer. 'Go AWAY!' he bellowed.

The doors fell back, knocking each other over, clattering to the ground. A fraction of them stayed standing, newer doors, all slightly open to him.

He felt something twitch in his hands, looking down at them; he noticed a glistening trail of wetness down his thumb.

'Rose?' he called again.

'_That hurt'_

'I'm sorry.' he said.

He found the first door, an opened elevator door that looked out onto a basement.

'Run!' someone called and a rustle of movement and pounding footsteps indicated two people running in the dim basement.

'_This is so strange'_

'You're telling me.' James retorted.

He moved through the other doors, silver ones, old wooden ones, several TARDIS doors, a stone arch, all the doors that stood held her memories of _him._

An upward leading ramp had the cold air of London swimming down, carrying with it an old Glen Miller tune. Curious, James took a step up the ramp before it retracted disappearing from view.

'_That's kind of personal'_

James stared at it for one more long moment. 'Oh, okay.' He moved on.

The next door was made of glass, with the words TORCHWOOD printed on it. Without thinking, he pushed it open and stepped inside.

_She's falling. She's falling towards Hell and there's nothing he can do. Only scream. She looks at him, begging him to save her, but it's impossible. Nothing can save her. He calls her name and he doesn't know why. She is screaming, so is he. He is sending her to Hell with the two worst demons, when did he loose control? When did the last great Time Lord fail?_

_She slams into a form, her father, keeping her safe, the way he never could._

_She turns and looks at him. She knows what's coming; she knows she's going forever, her eyes are still begging to be saved, but he can do nothing._

_Why is he so helpless?_

James quickly stepped out of the doorway, his heart beating rapidly.

'_I'm sorry; you didn't have to see that.'_ Rose apologized.

'I already have.' James said. 'I had a dream, just before, all this happened… It scared me to death.'

He felt the moisture on his thumb again.

The doors were jumbled, surreal. He watched more and more memories run through him. Finally, he approached another TARDIS door. There had been several memories with that door connected to it, but this was different.

This door was closed.

He tried the handle, it was locked.

'Rose?' he asked. 'What's this?'

_I don't know, I can't remember_

James felt a burning in his pocket and pulled out an old fashioned key. He had seen something like this hanging around Rose's neck before. The key was glowing.

'I think I know what this is.' He spoke. 'It's a closed memory, its been blocked off. But I have the key.'

James slid it into the lock and turned it in.

'_The Time War ends.'_

_Gold, pure power, overwhelming, Time, past and future. Enemies, __the great evil is vanquished. He saw her, a human child, wielding the power of a god. The Bad Wolf._

_She brings life, unnatural, unwanted life._

_He saw her crying face, her pain._

_Then his eyes exploded and he saw it all._

_Sunrises, sunsets, the turning of the worlds, birth and death, paths and options turning, he saw fire and ice and rage, the light and the darkness. He saw his friends, family, alive and well, before they were consumed in the fire that spaned the ages._

_The Last of the Time Lords held that power and for a moment, he was a god, a vengeful god._

_Then he released his power__._

James went stumbling backwards, breaking the connection to Rose's mind.

'What did you see?' Rose asked, her voice hushed.

James just numbly shook his head, stepping backwards again. All that power, it was, magnificent.

'Are you alright?' Rose asked, stepping towards him.

James hit the piano and stopped, leaning heavily on it for balance as his mind swam back into place.

Rose was standing in front of him, reaching out a hand to touch him. She felt his forehead, gently touching the sides of his face.

James grabbed her hand pulled her close, catching her mouth in a fiery kiss. He held her tightly as they kissed, fingers running through her hair.

'Wow.' Rose was slightly out of breath when they parted. 'What did you see in that memory?'

James didn't answer.

* * *

The room was dark and James sat on the edge of his bed. He couldn't sleep, and he blamed the Doctor. The other part of his mind was restless, and it gave him a headache to hold him back. James was tired and he just wanted to lie down and sleep.

A thought hit him and he lay down on the bed, closing his eyes, but it was not in sleep. He submerged himself in his own memories, then went a little deeper until he was standing inside his mind.

* * *

It was more ordered than Rose's mind. Thousands upon thousands of doors neatly stood in rows, but they were all closed to him.

He tried the handle of the nearest one. It opened after some force, revealing a large white room that resembled a control room exploding with sparks.

James stepped backwards, shutting the door quickly.

'What war?' he muttered. 'What was the Bad Wolf talking about?'

'_What are you doing here?'_ a voice bellowed. _'Get out!'_

James was frightened, and forced the voice away, the echoes faded.

He didn't know what he was doing there, but he wanted to see the Doctor's side of the story. He approached a weathered old door, hidden out of sight. It was ancient, derelict and forgotten. Somehow he knew this was what he was looking for.

* * *

'_Will no one take the mission to Arcadia?' the woman asked desperately._

_The Council was silent. She looked around, mentally pleading with them._

'_I will.' The voice came from aside._

_She turned. It was him, leaning against the doorframe, wearing a new face._

'_The floor recognises the Doctor.' She said, seating herself._

'_Hello, Romana. New face.' He commented._

'_Same to you.' She replied._

_The Doctor __strode into the large room and addressed the Council._

'_So this is it, isn't __it?' He said. 'You raise a species of pompous stiff necks, ordering them never to interfere. Now you're caught in a war that no one wants to fight.'_

_He stood tall and continued._

'_So you call us up, the rebels, the half-breeds and the outcasts to protect a planet we weren't even welcome on!'_

'_Gallifrey is not being threatened.' One of the senators answered._

'_And when Arcadia falls, what then? Where will the Dalek's empire expand to? Gallifrey will be destroyed unless we act now!'_

'_Arcadia is of no importance for us.' A senator spoke. 'It is against our laws to interfere. If it was not for President Romana's insistence, we would__ never-'_

'_If it wasn't for Romana, you'd already be dead!' the Doctor bellowed._

_There was some quiet murmuring, before a senator announced:_

'_The Council supports President Romana's decision to send the Doctor to defend Arcadia, but further action has not been approved.'_

_The Doctor stormed away, rage building inside him._

* * *

_Arcadia fell; and the entire Dalek fleet moved to encircle Gallifrey._

'_I've tried to make them fight, but they don't know how.' Romana said, cornering the Doctor in a hallway._

_The Doctor sighed. 'It's a lost cause, Romana. The Time Lords are as good as dead.'_

_A smile twitched at her lips. 'Then let's take those suckers down with us.'_

* * *

_Later, inside his TARDIS._

'_You ready?' Romana was asking over the intercom._

'_As I'll ever be.' The Doctor answered, manipulating the TARDIS._

_The screen came online, millions of Dalek ships encircling a planet with a burnt orange atmosphere._

'_The blast wave will __come very close to us, but it should hit the Dalek fleet first.' Romana said._

'_Should?' The Doctor repeated. 'I'm all for giving a regeneration for a good cause, but… just should?'_

'_Last ditch effort, Doctor.' Romana reminded him._

'_Speaking of regenerations, what number are you on?' The Doctor asked conversationally, as if the universe wasn't at stake._

_The Romana on screen paused. 'Thirteen. This is my thirteenth regeneration.'_

'_What?'_

_She shrugged. 'You've been gone a long time.'_

'_But this will kill you!' The Doctor yelled._

'_And the alternative is any better?' She challenged._

'_Send someone else.' The Doctor demanded. 'Anyone with more regenerations.'_

'_We need the Presidential TARDIS for this to work.' Romana replied. 'It's the only way.'_

_The Doctor swore. 'Fine.'_

* * *

_Romana's ship rocked with hits. 'They found me, I'm being overrun, you have to do it now!'_

'_It's not working!'_

'_My TARDIS is down, I'm being boarded.'_

_The reality dawned on the Doctor. He shared a look with Romana through the link._

'_It's the only way.' He realised._

'_You shouldn't have to do it.' Romana shook her head._

'_I'm the only one who can; it's the only way this war will end.' The Doctor insisted._

'_Use my TARDIS and the Gallifrey power grid, that should be enough.' Romana ordered._

'_But that will kill you!' The Doctor yelled._

'_Hurry!' She threw a look at her own, exploding TARDIS. 'If you do nothing, I'm dead anyway, now hurry!'_

'_I'm sorry.' was all he could say before he ended the War._

_The screen showed the graphic images, the burning of two almighty civilizations. The link to Romana was still active; her TARDIS had ignited, she was burning along with her people._

_The Doctor, on the other hand, was writhing on the floor, screaming in agony. The sheer mental force of billions of Time Lords psychically screaming was overpowering._

'_Theta! Theta__, help me. Theta!' Romana was screaming as the fire ate at her flesh._

_The Doctor released a howl of pain as the final fire ripped through the Pr__esidential ship, wiping out his friend._

'_Theta!' She screamed, and then she was gone._

_The Doctor was going into shock, his systems shutting down against the pain. His people were begging him, pleading for release from the pain, the agony. The combined billions was enough to push him over the edge, his cells began to rip apart._

James watched this all with a strange fascination. He stood above the Doctor as he writhed. James stepped over the Doctor as he roared against the pain and stood by the display. All of Gallifrey, the entire Dalek fleet, millions of ships, being wiped out before his eyes.

Fire raged through the icy peaks of the mountains of Gallifrey, people were burning in the storm of fire.

_The Doctor screamed in agony and his face began to change__, hair receded, bones stretched and his hearts compressed._

James watched in wonder at the spectacle before him, the destructive fire that spread across the cosmos.

_The Doctor roared and his voice changed. Then it was over. The Time War ended. The fires dissipated, vanishing in the cold, vacuum of space. Hollow hearted and hollow minded, the Doctor stood and moved towards the screen. Where once was the battlefront between two mighty civilisations, now there was only empty space._

'_One, nil.' The Doctor spoke, his eyes dead. 'We win.'_

_He moved away, to the consol to fix the damage._

James stayed by the screen, watching the void.

And he smiled.

**_I'm back! I'm so sorry its taken me so long to get this out there, something ridiculous like four months, but I've finally finished my story for the Young Australian Christian Writers Award, so I gave you an extra long chapter to make up for it. Rest assured, this fic is NOT going to die out. Please please please review, are you all still with me? What do you think? What's going on inside James' mind? What do you think of my version of the Time War? To my everlasting shame, I only became a Doctor Who fan after the old series ended on Australian screens, so I don't know that much, but I consulted my friends for some basics. To TeggieLady and forestwife, are you two still able to be a BETA? I didn't want to force you back into service without warning._**


	8. Loosing control

'Oxygen, Carbon…' James was muttering. 'Hydrogen, Nitrogen.'

'James?' Rose asked, as she tentatively stepped towards him.

'Calcium, phosphorous.' James continued. 'Potassium, Sulphur, Sodium, Chlorine.'

His eyes were pointed, unblinkingly in her direction; he cocked his head as he continued to list elements. 'Magnesium, Iron, Fluorine, Zinc.'

'Stop it, James, you're scaring me.' Rose begged.

James raised his hand, still speaking quickly under his breath, almost like a chant. 'Atomic composition, wasted space, so very small… Oxygen, Carbon, Hydrogen, Nitrogen.' He moved his hand, almost as if he intended to wave it straight through her.

He slowly moved his arm towards her shoulder, and it bumped into her.

James shook his head and his mind cleared. 'Rose?' he asked, looking about himself, nonchalant. 'What's wrong?'

'You're what's wrong, James.' Rose stepped closer, feeling his forehead. 'You looked at me just before like you couldn't even see me.'

'You're overreacting.' He shrugged.

'No!' Rose insisted, taking hold of his shoulders so he had to look at her. 'Something is seriously wrong.'

James thought for a moment. 'The Doctor will figure it out.' He said confidently.

* * *

'Hey, Rose, check this out!' the Doctor called.

No response.

'Rose?' he yelled.

'Yeah?' came the reply.

'Come here for a moment, I think I've found something.'

Rose wiped her face with a cold towel, leaving the training room flushed with exercise.

'What is it?' she asked, walking into the infirmary.

The Doctor didn't look up, but continued looking at some medical records.

'Okay, this here.' He flicked a switch and a scan of a brain appeared on screen. 'This is my mind just after I regenerated.' He adjusted his black framed glasses and brought another scan onscreen. 'Here is my mind about a month into landing in Pete's World.'

Rose leant forward, staring at the screens. There was something definitely different about them, like the image had been… disturbed.

'It's just unnatural for a Time Lord to be out of their home universe for that long.' The Doctor said, pulling up the next image. 'You can see my mind deteriorating over time.'

The next few images showed just that, the main segment of his mind warping, changing, and near the back, a displacement, a cancer-like bunch of cells that were out of place.

A new image flicked on screen. 'Ah, now, this is when James was first in control of my mind.'

Rose's eyes widened. It was almost like swap had been made, the bunch of cells she figured was the dormant James had taken over most of the brain, forcing the Doctor into a corner.

'That's weird.' She said.

'Yeah.' The Doctor took off his glasses and rubbed his eyes. 'As far as I can tell, James is actually making physical changes to my mind, not just psychologically.'

Rose nodded. 'So?'

'I'm not sure yet, but this isn't good.' He turned around and began looking at more files.

Rose watched him silently, before turning on his heel and walking away.

* * *

'Rose?' James yelled.

'What?' she yelled back.

'Have you seen K-9?'

Rose frowned. 'Nah, he was just where you left him, wasn't he?'

'Not since I woke up.' James replied.

Rose shrugged and made her way back to him, carrying the two cups of tea.

He took it from her gratefully. 'I'm bored now…' he grumbled, staring at the empty table K-9 used to sit on.

Rose nudged him. 'He can't have gotten far. How fast can a broken dog go?'

James chuckled and bumped tea cups with her.

* * *

'That idiot of a Doctor!' James yelled, storming into the control room.

'James, it's not all that.' Rose hurried after him.

'He's gone and taken K-9 away for no reason; he's giving me headaches, taking you away, not to mention ruining my life!'

'What?' Rose asked.

'Before he turned up, my life was just perfect!' James yelled.

'James, calm down.' Rose begged. 'Please, let me help you.'

James turned to her.

'I don't need any help from you!' He yelled, swinging a hand and hitting her across the face.

The slap shocked them both. Rose recoiled, touching her face. James looked horrified at what he'd done. He breathed heavily.

'I'm- I'm not exactly sure what just happened.' He admitted.

Rose met his eyes. 'I think you should go to bed, James.'

James nodded. 'Yeah, I think you're right.'

He walked around her, giving her wide space, ashamed of what he'd done.

But he didn't go to bed that night. He waited, waited until Rose had retired, waited until he could leave.

* * *

The man lounged in the bar, sipping at his beer. He looked intoxicated, but he was a good actor.

The orange-haired man across the bar had been watching him all night.

The man knew this, but he didn't show it. He paid for his drink and left, the orange-haired man watching his every move.

The orange-haired man moved after him, following him outside. When he stepped through the door, the other man was no where to be found.

Hands grabbed at him and pushed him angrily against the wall.

'What are you up to?' the man threatened the orange-haired man. 'Why are you following me?'

The orange-haired man just grinned in response.

The man chuckled. 'Your scare tactics won't work on me.' He said. 'I'm not afraid of you.'

The orange-haired man smiled slightly. 'No? Good for you.'

The man released him roughly and walked away confidently.

The orange-haired man watched him leave, smiling slightly.

'Oh, good for you, Captain Jack Harkness.'

* * *

**_Please, please, please, give me your thoughts!! Whatdya think? Like it? Hate it? Please review! Sorry its short, I'm working on making the next ones longer... compromise!_**


	9. Beyond Good and Evil

* * *

6 years ago:

'_Oh, __it's beautiful!' Rose exclaimed._

'_Isn't it?' Shareen touched the jewelled __necklace carefully._

_Indeed it was. The thin gold chain held a delicate pink love heart, made from rose gold with a diamond set in the centre. 'Peter gave it to me.'_

'_You're so lucky!' Rose said. 'Mickey would never do anything like that.'_

* * *

Rose pressed the towel against her wet hair and swung it from her face.

'Hey, James.' She said, entering the lounge room. She seemed unfazed, unconcerned. 'I missed you this morning, where were you?'

James' head was down. Hunched over on the low chair, head in his hand, James didn't even flinch. One hand was clenched tightly, his knuckles turning white.

'I went out.' He said hoarsely. 'I brought back lunch.'

Rose eyed the kebabs on the table. 'Cool.'

'Listen, uh, James, I-' Rose started, turning back to him.

James stood, cutting her off. 'I found something.' He said, opening his hand. A thin gold chain dropped free, dangling in the middle was a small pink love heart.

Rose stared at it, confused.

'It reminded me of you. I thought you might like it.' He said. His voice was almost hollow, not the usual James charm that Rose was used to.

He moved towards her, holding the necklace out. He stood behind her and draped it around her neck, fastening the clasps.

Rose gasped as he slid his large warm hands onto her shoulders and lowered his face to her hair.

She relaxed into his warm embrace for an instant, pressing against his chest before a jolt of fear ran through her.

'No.' she said, forcefully, spinning around. 'No, please don't do that.'

James cocked a half smile at her. 'Why not?'

Rose straightened herself out and looked at him straight on. 'Just don't, alright?'

Something foreign flicked through James' eyes before he nodded and walked out of the room.

Rose touched the necklace, a sickening knot settling in her belly.

* * *

James had vanished. Rose was certain of it. He had disappeared from the TARDIS. She hadn't seen him since the eerily quiet lunch they shared and now it was already sunset.

She scanned the TARDIS, only one life sign and that was her.

The TARDIS had no external life signs scanner, or if it did, the Doctor hadn't connected them again.

Rose had tried very hard not to panic as she checked through London.

She tried all the usual places, rooftops, shopping centres, nothing. It was like he had just disappeared.

Or ran away.

Ever since she had offered for James to read her mind, he had been on edge, erratic, then that time in the consol room, he had been down right scary.

Rose felt around her neck for the necklace he had given her. She wasn't an idiot, she recognized it. It wasn't custom made, but it was rare, and she knew where it came from.

Shareen.

Rose only hoped she hadn't moved in the two years since she saw her last.

* * *

'What's going on?' Rose demanded.

There were sirens, chequered tape, cars and police everywhere, surrounding the apartment of the Powel Estate.

'A murder.' A nearby police officer replied.

Rose felt the pit of her stomach drop out.

'Yeah, someone broke into that poor girl's house early this morning.' The officer said. 'Stabbed her repeatedly. Poor girl.'

And Rose's world just faded away.

* * *

Jack woke up slowly, which was unusual. He shook his head to clear it and he could smell the chloroform in the air.

'What the hell is going on?' he said. Movement came from behind and he felt handcuffs snap onto his wrists. 'Who are you?'

An orange-haired man stepped out from behind him, towering over Jack, who was tied to the chair.

'You don't recognize me? Jack, I'm offended, I truly am.' He said, kicking a chair closer to him.

'You've been following me.' Jack noted dully.

The man stood and dragged a table closer. 'What? No comments? Sleazy one-liners? I'm shocked! Where's that Captain Jack Harkness we all love to hate?'

'He's busy.' Jack replied dryly.

'The name's James.' The man said, turning back to him, a large knife glinting in the dim light. 'Do you know why the Doctor left you on the Game Station?'

Jack was startled. 'You couldn't possibly know that.'

'Don't be so sure of that. Answer the question.' James ordered. Jack said nothing and James sighed heavily. He walked around Jack to the chair and sat in from of him, leaning in, his expression shifting to one of open concern. 'Come on.' He said, holding up the knife to Jacks eye level. 'You can tell me anything. Answer. The question.'

'Fine.'

'Fine.'

Jack relented, shifting in his seat. 'I was holding off the Daleks, we both knew I wouldn't survive. He thought there was no one left to come back for.'

James gave a funny look. 'Hmm. Not quite.'

'What?'

'What?' James feigned innocence. 'Oh. See, he knew you were dead, but he also knew you had come back. Forever. He knew you'd been turned into this, repulsive _Fact_ and so he left you behind, like a stray dog.'

'You're lying.' Jack said through gritted teeth.

'I'm not. It's true.' James leaned in closer. 'He ran away from you the moment he could.'

'How could you know that?'

James shrugged. 'I hear things.'

'Why am I here?' Jack asked.

'Well, unlike the Doctor, I can stomach your little, irregularity.' James held up the knife again, tossing and twirling it in his hands. 'I find it fascinating. Did you know, for instance, that you're out for longer if you're knocked out than if you're dead?'

'Really?' Jack asked, shifting again.

'Yeah.' James nodded surely, then he frowned. 'Well, actually I haven't been able to time the latter yet.' He held up the knife. 'But we have plenty of time to make sure.'

He flipped the knife once more and gripped it tightly. He raised it up above Jack and sharply brought it down, straight into his chest.

Blood streamed freely from the wound and James reeled backwards, releasing the knife, blade still embedded in Jacks chest.

As Jack rapidly lost consciousness, he saw James groan with pain, clutching at his head. Somehow, he changed and looked back at Jack with strange familiarity.

'Jack.' He muttered in shock, before pain overtook him once more and he collapsed to the ground.

Jack tasted the blood as it surged up into his mouth, before he too gave in to the darkness engulfing him.

In the distance, he heard someone shout his name.

* * *

'Jack!' Rose screamed.

She had seen the last gory moments from the grated window in the door and had just kicked the door down.

She ran and knelt beside him, holding his head in her hands.

'Look at me, Jack.' She urged him. With a shaking hand, she pulled the knife from his chest, letting it fall to the ground. 'Jack, come on, look at me. We're going to patch you up, okay. I'm gonna take care of you, you'll be fine, you'll see, you'll be fine.'

Jack's head had already lolled down, the light fading from his eyes.

'Jack! No. No, no, no, come on; don't give up on me, not now.' Rose gasped. 'Not now.' She wrapped her arms around his torso, sobbing into his neck.

With a gasp and a jolt, Jack came back to life to find a familiar woman hugging him.

Rose jumped backwards, wiping at her tears quickly.

Jack blinked several times to try and clear his mind of what he thought was a hallucination.

'R-Rose!' he stuttered.

'Oh thank goodness, Jack!' Rose released a relieved sob. 'I thought you were dead!'

'I thought the same.' Jack said.

Desperate to prove he was real, Rose hugged him again, burying her face in his neck.

Rose suddenly released him.

'Oh, I'm so sorry; I'll untie you, we should get you patched up right away.' She said, moving a hand to the gap in his shirt.

A tear which showed perfectly healthy, healed skin.

'What?' Rose asked, fingering the torn fabric.

Jack pulled his arms out from behind the chair back and wrapped them around Rose.

'I don't believe it!' he exclaimed with joy.

'Wait, you freed yourself?' Rose asked. It was funny how in the moments of pressure, the strangest details come to mind.

'You get more answers that way.' Jack explained. He stood up and spun Rose around a few times, laughing gleefully.

He set her down before he remembered. 'Rose! Where's the Doctor? Where is he?'

Rose squeezed her eyes shut and looked down at the forgotten unconscious form of James.

'That's him. That's the Doctor, right in front of you.'

Jack looked down at him, then at the bloodied knife nearby.

'Well, we're screwed.'

* * *

**_ I am so sorry! I know I said I'd update soon, but I got carried away with a new obsession, Supernatural. What do you think? Please, please review! What do you thinks happening to James? Please tell me! What should happen now?_**


	10. Explanations

'How did you find us?' Jack asked, still recovering from the shock.

'The wonders of GPS.' Rose shrugged.

The Doctor began seizing, fighting a war within himself.

Rose quickly knelt beside him, touching his face gently. 'Doctor?'

His eyes flew open, gripping Rose's wrist with inhuman strength.

Rose leapt back. 'Get the hell off me, James!' she yelled.

The Doctor was sobbing at the pain. 'No.' he moaned. 'No, don't, no…'

He was mumbling at speed, Rose jerked her hand from his grip as Jack knelt beside him. 'Shh…' Jack hushed her. 'What's he saying?'

Rose leant closer, ear above the Doctor's mouth.

'Pain, not yours, leave, bomb. Oh my- bomb, it's going to- stop, please, don't hurt her. Where?' The Doctor threw his head to the side, voice becoming a yell. 'What have you done? Where is it?'

'We need to help him.' Rose ordered.

Jack held her back. 'Just wait.'

'Bomb, under, under the sink! It's going, oh-.' The Doctor gripped Jack's arm. 'Don't let him, Jack! You take care of her!' he threw his head back. 'It's under the sink! Run!'

Then things happened very quickly.

The world exploded into light and heat and pain.

The Doctor rolled Rose over, protecting her with his body.

Jack was standing above them, taking the brunt, getting thrown across the room.

The heat was impossible.

The flames receded, ceasing to be an explosion and starting to burn at the walls.

She opened her eyes. The Doctor was still huddled over her; his eyes squeezed shut and his face shining with sweat.

'Doctor?' She asked, moving to shift out from underneath him. He let out a gasp of pain.

Then she noticed the smell, the pungent odour of burnt flesh.

'Doctor!' she exclaimed. She turned her head to see Jack's crumpled form. 'Jack!'

But Jack didn't move.

The Doctor let loose an anguished cry and he tried to move. Jack rolled over, coughing and spluttering.

'I'm okay.' He wheezed.

Rose shuffled from underneath the Doctor's body, careful not to move him. He seemed numb against the pain, sweat shining all over his skin.

There was no way Jack could have survived that blast. Rose ran to his side.

Jack coughed and wheezed. 'Check on the Doctor.' He ordered.

Rose turned back around. The Doctor was still supporting his weight on his hands, protecting the space where Rose had been. His entire back was scorched, jacket burned and melted to his flesh.

She fell to his side. 'Doctor, Doctor, can you hear me?'

The Doctor grimaced, nodding slowly.

She looked over him. 'You're badly hurt.'

'I'll heal.' The Doctor hissed.

Jack dragged himself over, colour slowly returning to his face. 'You need medical help.'

Rose's confused mind started coming together in pieces. She began to panic.

'Jack! How could you possibly survived-?'

'Later, Rose.' Jack demanded. 'The Doctor needs help.'

He was right. The Doctor hadn't even moved since the explosion, the slightest twitch made pain streak across his face.

Rose placed a hand on his face. 'Listen to me, Doctor. Tell me what I can do to help.'

He gasped and wheezed. 'There's a room, a room on the TARDIS.'

'An infirmary?' Jack asked.

The Doctor went to shake his head, but decided against it when his back exploded in pain. 'No, better. A room, a special room. The- AH!' he cried out. 'The Zero room, we'll be safe there.'

'All of us?' Rose clarified.

The Doctor frowned. 'No, just me, and James.' He managed to turn his head, emerald eyes piercing her own. 'We have to go. Now.'

* * *

Rose and Jack slung the Doctors arms around their shoulders, Jack carrying most of the weight. They found a side exit, shuffling out into a side alley rather than out into the crowded streets.

'Wait, wait, wait.' The Doctor wheezed.

They stopped, still hidden in the shadows as a group of policemen passed them, running to help with the fire.

'Alright.' The Doctor said.

They moved out into the darkened road, past the crowd that had gathered around the building, watching it burn.

Rose couldn't help giving sidelong glances to both the Doctor and Jack. There was so much that had been hidden from her, by both parties.

The TARDIS was parked a fair distance away; it was too far for them to carry the Doctor, especially as he was loosing so much blood. The dark stains had slowly spread across his entire back.

'Rest. I need rest.' He panted, the blood loss getting too much for him.

The three of them stopped by a bench, sitting him down in the middle before falling onto the hard wood on either side of him.

'I feel like my head is going to explode.' Rose commented, trying to deal with the flood of information.

The Doctor let out a strangled laugh. 'You can talk.'

Rose shot a look at Jack. 'You have got some explaining to do.'

'I'm not the only one!' Jack defended, glaring at the Doctor and Rose.

The Doctor snorted, pain wracking his body at the gesture.

'I guess I'm going to be doing a lot of talking then.' He muttered. He lifted a bloodied hand and pushed some hair back from his face. He threw a sidelong look at Jack. 'You first.'

'You got a new face.' Jack pointed out.

'Two actually.' The Doctor started. 'I-'

'I know.' Jack interrupted. 'I saw the footage from Torchwood. Nice pinstripes, by the way.'

The Doctor turned and nudged Rose. 'See? He liked them!'

Rose rolled her eyes. 'Doctor, Jack would approve of anything on you, especially if it was a tight suit.'

The Doctor grinned sillily, glancing from side to side, between the two companions beside him. Jack opened his mouth to speak, to ask the question that had been burning in his mind.

'I know.' The Doctor said, so quiet Jack was sure he imagined it. 'I'm sorry, Jack.'

Jack stared at him, wide eyed. How was that even possible?

'What?' Rose asked. 'Know what?'

'So, that, what happened back there, that was true?' Jack asked, voice gaining volume. 'You _left_ me behind?'

'It wasn't like that.' The Doctor protested quietly.

'Then what was it like?'

The Doctor hung his head. 'After, after I sent Rose back home,' he began, glancing at Rose then back at Jack, 'I, you were gone, I was alone, I almost, I did, give up. I was about to die, when Rose came back.'

'What happened?' Jack asked. The answer he had been searching for over a hundred years for was so close, he could almost taste it.

The Doctor smiled and closed his eyes, almost forgetting that either of them was there. 'Rose. She absorbed the entire Time Vortex. Brought herself back.' He opened his eyes and smirked. 'Not the brainiest thing in the world.'

'Shut up!' Rose protested, but went silent again. Jack deserved to know. She needed to know.

'She destroyed the Dalek fleet, turned them to dust.' A proud smile slid across his face. 'But she also brought you back. Forever.'

Rose started, and Jack just nodded slowly.

'I can't die, Rose.' Jack said. 'I keep coming back to life, I've lived through centuries of Time to get an explanation, centuries, and all I show for it is the odd gray hair.'

Rose shook her head. 'That's impossible.'

'We're way beyond impossible now.' The Doctor said.

'You still left me behind.' Jack said, voice dripping with venom.

'I was regenerating, I wasn't thinking straight.' The Doctor replied.

'You could have come back for me.' Jack said simply.

'I couldn't.' The Doctor said. 'What James said before was true. I can't help it, in my guts; your very existence goes against everything in me.'

'James?' Jack asked.

The Doctor shared a look with Rose. 'That one's going to take some explaining.'

Rose looked away, uncomfortable, then at the Doctor's back. Already, the blistering had died down, the wound healing far faster than what was normal.

Rose watched in wonder. 'Incredible.'

'It's not.' The Doctor said shortly. 'Time Lords were all about keeping up appearances, it's healing the outer at the expense of my insides.' He looked between his two companions. 'I need to get to the Zero Room.'

They hauled him upwards and began the long, strained walk back to the TARDIS, the Doctor hanging limply between them.

'I'm so sorry.' The Doctor struggled out.

'Save your energy.' Jack warned.

'No, it's my fault.' The Doctor said, becoming delusional against the pain. 'James was always restless when he was around you, Rose, like you were his lifeline.'

Rose tried not to cringe as she remembered two very different images of James, one working away at K-9, laughing with her, and the other holding a sharp knife, inches above Jacks chest.

'I thought, if I isolated myself, that he would settle, and I'd have the ability to find what I needed.'

Jack grunted. The Doctors words meant nothing to him. He may have gotten some answers, but definitely not enough.

'But all it did was make him agitated. He knew you hated it, you practically ended up wishing him back into the forefront of this mind.' The Doctor said.

Rose pressed her lips together in a hard line.

'That doesn't matter any more.' Rose said. 'I'm not wishing him back any more.'

'It doesn't matter.' The Doctor said grimly. 'James' mind is becoming dominant. He's always pushing, the pressure, it's always there. There is turmoil, frustration, anger, yet an excitement.'

The trio were getting breathless, practically dragging the Doctor through the back streets of London.

'Perhaps, through my body, he's experiencing sensations no human has ever felt before.' He said, voice hushed. 'That may be why he refuses to retreat.'

The continued in silence for a while, both Companions needing more information, but neither wanting to ask.

'I had a friend.' The Doctor said quietly. 'Enemy, more like. Time Lord, way back on Gallifrey, before all this travelling happened.'

Jack and Rose silently traded a look. The Doctor was getting delusional and both knew he didn't divulge information about his home planet easily.

'We were only kids. They took us for initiation and showed us the rip in Time, the entire vortex open, raw and _powerful_. They say he was driven mad.'

The Doctor sighed heavily. 'That was a Time Lord. James is just human; just _imagine_ what that would do to his mind, even only through my extra sense.'

The familiar police box came into view. All three were both relieved and tense at seeing the old ship again.

Jack allowed a small smile. After all his searching, his waiting, he'd finally found it, found them.

Rose unlocked it, Jack supporting all of the Doctor's weight. The blood had spread across his back, but the healed skin even now looked healthier, even if his insides were worse.

The two Companions dragged him through the halls of the TARDIS, silently hoping that he would stop rambling and become the Doctor they were used to, the one with all the answers.

'I've killed.' He said solemnly as Rose checked the TARDIS records, searching for a Zero Room. 'I've killed billions of people, watched planets burn. James saw it. He went into my memories and saw them all. A fragile human mind with all that information and agony… he should have been overwhelmed, but instead, he smiled! I don't want him to kill again for that feeling.'

Jack cracked an ironic smile. 'Well, if that's it, I'm sure I can help.'

The Doctor ignored him. 'Something inside of him, inside us, hungers for new sensations; yearns to feel. My new senses have introduced him to experiences, and my memories have taught him dark emotions he has never dreamed of! He wants more!' he rolled his head, agony clouding his mind. 'What have I done?'

'Nothing we can't fix.' Rose said quickly. She led the way through the TARDIS until they found the room.

It was completely white inside, cylindrical with only one lockable door and an observation room far above.

The Doctor forced himself onto the floor, lying down despite the pain. 'This could take a while.' He warned. 'James will be in control for most of the time.'

He reached into his pocket and pulled something out, pressing it into Rose's hand.

'Take this. You'll need it soon.'

Rose looked at it; it was a small disk, roughly the size of a large coin. She glanced up curiously.

'What is it?'

But the Doctor only roared in agony, pushing them back towards the door. Jack grabbed Rose's arm and pulled her from the Zero Room, sealing the door behind them.

In the observation room, Rose pressed her forehead against the cool glass.

'Doctor?' she said into the microphone. 'Doctor, it's Rose. Jack and I are here with you, in the TARDIS.'

The Doctor's scream of pain turned ragged and changed.

'So am I.' James hissed.

Rose bit back tears that threatened to fall, pricking at her eyes.

Jack's hand clasped her shoulder.

'I get the feeling I'm going to be in for a long explanation.'

**_Wow! Three long, long months! I'm so sorry you guys! I just got really caught up with my original story (Now over 18,000 words!). Thanks to whoever sent me that PM reminding me! That got me wriggling on! This chapter had just been sitting in my documents half finished for ages. What do you think? Like my reference to the Master? Hate my version of Jack? Like that we finally get to see some of the Doctor? Wishing I'd update faster?_**

**_Please review!_**


	11. DreamWalking

Chapter Eleven: Dream-Walking

Rose activated the Zero room and a fine white mist was released inside. James collapsed on the floor and his wound started to heal.

Jack listened carefully as Rose relayed the entire story to him. He stayed silent the entire time, watching her talk from across the table in the Zero Room's observation deck.

'I know James, Jack.' Rose said when she had finished. 'I knew him in Pete's World, I know him here, and he would never do something like that. Something in him has changed, that's not James any more.'

A dull thump came from within the Zero room. Rose rushed to the window to see James ramming his shoulder into the wall.

'You can't hold me in here forever!' he shouted at them.

Rose forced back tears and turned to Jack. 'I don't know what to do.' She admitted helplessly.

Jack slowly raised his eyes to meet hers. 'I had an idea.'

Roes let out a sigh of relief. 'What is it? Tell me, please.'

Jack shrugged. 'You're not going to like it.'

'Have you ever heard of dream-walking?' Jack asked.

'Nope.'

'The Doctor's mind is severely divided.' Jack leant forward and nursed his coffee cup. 'And he's an advanced psychic and can't even hold it together. He needs help.'

'So where do we find another psychic?' Rose asked.

'That's the good bit, we don't need another one.' Jack grinned. 'The Doctor's strong enough.'

'You just said he wasn't strong enough.' She pointed out.

'The Doctor is messed up.' Jack laughed. 'But messed up to the point that both his personalities would allow you into their mind.'

Rose took a moment to register what he said.

'What?'

'You can help him, Rose.' Jack finished. 'You're the only one who ever could.'

Rose put her face in her hands and breathed steadily. 'This is insane.' She told her hands. She lifted her head and tucked a hair behind her ear. 'How could I possibly help?'

Jack grinned. 'Mind blocks.'

'Mind blocks?' Rose repeated.

'Mind blocks.' Jack insisted. 'If we can force James Samuel's down, even for just a day or two, the Doctor would have free reign to do whatever the hell he wants and not worry about his evil twin popping up.'

'How would we even do that?' Rose asked.

'You're sitting inside the biggest psychic machine in this universe.' Jack waved around them. 'I'll bet she has whole rooms dedicated to creating mind blocks.'

'I… I don't know what to do.' Rose admitted.

'I'll walk you through it.' Jack promised.

* * *

Jack released a heavy does of chloroform into the Zero Room and the Doctor's collapsed to the ground. The Doctor groaned heavily and sluggishly attempted to move.

They dragged the limp form between them into a room the TARDIS had shown them.

Two benches were set up, parallel to each other, intricate mechanics at one end. They lay the Doctor's body on one of the tables and Rose sat on the other one.

'Is this going to work?' she asked.

Jack carefully arranged the mechanics on the Doctor's head and a low buzz sounded it starting up. 'I don't know.'

Rose took this answer and lay down. She was just within reach, and as Jack lowered the machine to her head, she reached out and touched the Doctor's hand.

The machine buzzed to life, and Rose's eyes shut.

* * *

_Blackness. Total blackness._

_Her feet found footing and she spun, trying to find something, but there was nothing here. Only darkness._

_Inky blackness engulfed her, so __heavy; it almost choked her with its oppressiveness._

_She became aware of a presence behind her, __something shifting the blackness and just over her shoulder. She spun quickly, panicking in this new environment._

_He was there, standing with his hands shoved into pinstriped pockets. Familiar brown eyes looked down at her and spiked, messy hair made her heart lurch._

'_Doctor.' She breathed, rushing towards him and wrapping her arms around his middle._

'_Hey, hey.' He soothed, rubbing a hand up and down her back. 'Rose, I'm okay.'_

_She pulled back a little. 'What's with the face?'_

_He looked genuinely confused for a moment, before recognizing he was in a previous regeneration._

'_This is the form you know me best as.' He said simply. 'I thought it made more sense to look like this.'_

_Rose nodded slowly._

'_What are you doing in here?' the Doctor asked. 'How did you get in my mind?'_

'_It was Jack's idea.' Rose said, stepping back slightly. 'The TARDIS helped. We have a plan to suppress James for a while.'_

'_How?' the Doctor looked intrigued._

'_Mind blocks.' Rose said. 'I need your help, if we can force him down, you can figure out what's gone wrong with him.'_

'_So you're Dream-Walking.' The Doctor smiled. 'How sweet.'_

'_Doctor!' Rose said forcefully. 'We need to find James and tie him down. After that, you'll be free.'_

_The Doctor straightened and looked down at her. 'I've already been freed.'_

'_What?'_

'_You just don't get how liberating this is.'_

'_Doctor, what are you talking about?' Rose stressed._

_The Doctor turned his head to the side, smiling lightly like he was enjoying a warm breeze. '__Free from the restraints of sympathy and morality that bound us for near millennia. James has shown us the way. Can't you see it all around you?'_

'_There's nothing here!' Rose exclaimed, shaking his shoulders to try and jolt him out of it. 'This isn't right. There's just darkness here.'_

'_They don't agree.' The Doctor said, stepping aside to show a small crowd of people standing behind__ him. All men, they ranged in all ages and outfits. Standing at the front, her familiar Doctor with big ears and a leather jacket._

'_Rose.' The other Doctor said, stepping forward and grinning at her. 'I've missed you so much.'_

_Rose tore her eyes away from the different forms of the Doctor in front of her and shut her eyes. 'Stop it, James.'_

_She slowly opened her eyes again and James was standing there, ginger hair and cold eyes._

'_You didn't like my little gift?'_

_Rage boiled up inside Rose. 'Where is the Doctor? The real Doctor, not some image you wanted to show me.'_

'_He's in here. It's his mind too, isn't it?' James pointed out cheekily._

'_You killed Jack.' Rose said hollowly._

'_He can't die.' James stressed._

'_Did you kill Shareen, too?' Rose asked._

_James looked down, almost ashamed. 'I lost control. I didn't mean to.'_

'_You've gone mad.' Rose said. 'Why are you doing this, James, stop, please!'_

'_Don't you get it?' James asked, eyes brightening and he smiled. 'I'm doing this for you. This is the only way we can be together, Rose.'_

_Rose shook her head slowly and stepped backwards, putting more darkness between them._

'_If the Doctor finds a way to go back to normal, I'll die. He'll kill me.' James said desperately. 'If I do this, then maybe, maybe I'll have a chance. We'll have a chance.'_

'_You've changed.' Rose said._

_James half-glanced over his shoulder at the darkness where the other Doctor's stood. 'I'm becoming like him.'_

'_You're not like the Doctor.' Rose shook her head._

'_Do you even know him?' James scoffed. 'He's stared at Eternity, he's watched civilisations burn. He's a murderer.'_

'_Stop it, James. Whatever you're doing, stop it.' Rose begged._

_James stepped back, his shoulders slumping and face downcast._

'_But… I'm doing this for you.'_

_Rose looked up at him, his pitiful and dejected expression tightening a knot in her stomach. She barely got a chance to reply when another form appeared in the darkness._

_It was unmistakably the Doctor__, determined expression, focus and wrath directed at James. The Doctor dived forward and wrestled James to the ground._

'_You will never hurt anyone, ever again.' The Doctor swore. The mental projections of the figures was the only evidence Rose could see of the intense psychic battle._

_The blackness around her swarmed, mimicking the fight before her. Rose snapped out of her reverie and added her mental power to the battle._

_They forced James down, binding him with the Doctor's mental abilities._

_James bared his teeth, threatening them._

'_You cannot hold me.' He gloated. 'You could as soon try to contain a star.'_

_The Doctor bent his identical face closer and spoke quietly. 'I am a Time Lord, and you will succumb.'_

_James yelled and Rose felt the ground beneath her feet quake. The shifting darkness overpowered her and she fell, sinking through the intangible floor._

_

* * *

_

Rose awoke screaming, Jack desperately trying to pin her arms to the table as she thrashed wildly.

'Rose!' Jack yelled. 'Stop! You're going to hurt yourself.'

Rose was shaking; hands trembling as she tentatively touched Jack's face and shoulders. Her vision swam into focus and she sighed.

She sat halfway up and desperately hugged him, burying her face in his neck.

'Rose, what happened?' Jack asked, gently pulling free and watching her carefully.

She jolted as she remembered and stared at the figure lying on the adjacent table, peaceful even as the mechanics on his head buzzed.

'Is he okay?' she asked, voice hushed.

The Doctor gasped loudly, drawing breath with a rasp. He struggled for air as Jack spun around, gently helping him up.

Exhausted, the Doctor leant heavily on Jack's shoulder as he sat up.

'What the hell happened in there?' Jack asked, glancing at Rose. When the Doctor didn't answer, he asked tentatively, 'Doctor?'

'Yes.' The Doctor confirmed with a relieved smile. Jack released a breath he didn't realise he was holding.

'You did it.' Rose grinned.

'We did it.' The Doctor corrected.

Jack, despite the relief, had to be sure. 'Is he gone?'

'No, not forever. He's been suppressed.' The Doctor said. 'But I'm here. Just for now.'

He beamed and slid off the table, wrapping Rose in his arms. Rose relaxed into his embrace and squeezed tight.

Something blinked in the corner of Jack's eye and he shifted his gaze, not comfortable watching the intimate moment. He looked at the computer screens, where information from the process was being displayed.

Jack was no doctor, but he recognized standard brainwaves.

There were two sets coming from the Doctor.

* * *

**HAHA! I live! Man, it has been way, WAY too long. I have no excuse. I'm curious as to how many people are still alive that read this. I checked. I haven't updated at all this year.**

**Please give me feedback, and I might be able to put up more chapters sometime this life!**

**Please please please review!**


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